where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
