People in love make me want to vomit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
