yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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