i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
