i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
