Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
