he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
