yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
