Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i think my cat just said my name.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
