There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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