This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
