Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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