If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
