I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
