This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
