i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
