Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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