I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
