I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
