Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
