either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
