also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
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at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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