I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
