i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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