In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
