you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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