Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize