Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize