it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
