I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
