Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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