PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
