Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
