genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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