your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
