Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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