Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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