it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
