we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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