just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
