I love black thongs
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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