I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
