I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
