I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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