yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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