I think I died a long time ago.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
