I think I am morally bankrupt
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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