No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its about making memories worth repressing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
