i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even my farts smell like vagina
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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