My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
