clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
