does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
