How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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