hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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