I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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