he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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