He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Buhtt sex?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
