Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She made me pour olive oil on her.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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