If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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