What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
