Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
