i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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