I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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