Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
