Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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