I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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