I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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