Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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