Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
